Sunday, March 6, 2011

Off With His Balls!









Once upon a time boy meets girl..... girl looks into those innocent eyes..... falls in love immediately....and her new life of warm cuddles, licks, kisses and unconditional affection bring new meaning to her 20-something world. The signs that it's time to chop his balls off can often be easily overlooked---so I've kindly made a list of what to watch out for, as it usually goes something like this....

Top Signs it's time to say "Off with His Balls:"

First he started innocently marking his territory around the house. I thought it was cute.

Then he began leaving little presents on the floor each morning, afternoon, and night after night. Even that I was able to deal with.

Eventually came the aggressive behavior: biting, and lunging and growling -- Oh My! Even at that point I couldn't come to terms with what I had to do.

Finally, a mere day ago--all within a 24 hour span---he chewed up not one but TWO xbox controllers with no sign of remorse. That was when my boyfriend said " Off with his balls!" While I not so secretly chuckled at the fact that the only way you'll ever hear a man utter this sentence is if you tamper with one of the loves of his life: His XBOX


Oh by the way folks, I might of forgotten to mention that I've been referring to a dear close member of my household: My bunny--- Biscuit. He has officially become 4 pounds of furry terror, he's reached rabbit puberty and the time has come to chop the little nom noming's testicles off.

Saturday morning I had made a delicious breakfast in bed for my sweetheart, Giggitty (His comical alias in efforts to maintain his privacy). We're still in that "just moved in together," honeymoon stage, so I'm spoiling him with my Susie homemaker skills. As I waited in anticipation for him to wake up and see the homemade pancakes drizzled in raspberry sauce, crisp bacon, fresh squeezed OJ and everything sealed with sweet whipped cream (and I even lit a candle for that added touch of romance) ---the gesture of cooking wasn't exactly appreciated at first. The first thing that caught his eye was certain tools that are vital in every 20-something man's life: his Xbox controllers. Not one but two had been chewed up by our feisty fuzzy friend.

He took him by the neck, carefully threw him back in the cage and went on for more than a half an hour about the loss of his expensive gaming devices. To appease him I offered to pay for new ones. I tried to massage his tense shoulders. I fed him that incredible breakfast in bed. I even put bacon in my cleavage for shits and giggles. Nothing worked. He kept going on, and on and on repeating " We're getting that bitches balls chopped off." For those of you that don't have pets, or don't know much about rabbits --basically you have to get a bunny neutered or else bad habits continue, aggression gets worst and more gaming controllers may be lost due to hormones taking over your cute little critter


I guess if our biggest fights are over a bunny's balls getting removed this week, and grieving the loss of two gaming controllers, then I can consider myself too blessed to be stressed hehe. I've kindly posted pictures of the damage done this past weekend for your viewing pleasure.

For those of you that have had anything damaged by a puppy, kitty, bunny or any one of your cuddly companions... then I'm sure you can relate to this article.... and proceed to giggle at how upset we all get over our pets:)

Stay tuned for our new ball free bunny life, keep biscuit in your thoughts as I hope the surgery goes well this week. In the words of Biscuit: Nom.. nom, nom..nom, nom...nom...nom.... (click on the title of this blog for a cute music video on pets)

-V

Special Congrats and Shout outs

Congrats to our friends Bryan and Rebecca on getting engaged! So happy for you two! Mazel Tov!

Congrats to our friend Shawn on wining American Idol at Disney's Hollywood Studios (Landing him a free pass to skip the lines at the real tryouts this summer, and getting a shot at becoming the next American Idol!) Woot woot!

Ben, you're getting my dream car Wednesday. The BMW Z4. You are officially my favorite person and I'll do anything for a ride in the new cute car of yours.

Lastly, thank you to my boyfriend's parents and my parents. You've been so generous with gifts, helping us move and adding to our decor in the new apartment. We're so appreciative and love you all!

2 comments:

  1. that wassss soooooooooo funny haaahaaaa haaaa im literally stilll llaughingggg

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  2. Thank you haha. If that made you laugh --listen to this. We get to the vet and find out our rabbit which the pet store insisting on it being a boy-ending up being a girl! So off with her ovaries! Hehe.. Thank you for reading!

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